How to Start a Discussion Without Starting an Argument
Harry sits at the poolside of the hotel and watches his two children swim.
He chats with the woman next to him, whose children are frolicking with Harry’s brood.
Harry is delighted. His wide, Cindy, is in their room and now they have a chance for some romance.
It’s diffcult fanning the fires of passion in a hotel room with two kids.
Harry explains the situation to Cindy.
“Now we have some time for ourselves,” he says, lifting his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
“You let a stranger watch our kids?” Cindy says.
Harry feels attacked. “Give me some credit for good judgment! She’s a pleasant Lady.
Her kids are playing with ours and she offered to watch.”
“I’d feel better if one of us went down to the pool,” Cindy says.
“Why can’t you ever loosen up?”
Cindy glares at Harry. “Take a cold shower,” she says.
“For that matter, take one everyday of the four we have left on this trip.”
Mismatched expectation? Poor timing? Perhaps. But Harry’s main tactical error occurred when he registered his complaint too harshly. Telling Cindy to loosen up was a hard jab. Cindy was no help when she insinuated he was neglecting their children by allowing them to be supervised by a stranger. Their conversation lasted all of 15 seconds but it was destined to deteriorate because it began with their engines roaring instead if purring.
The G in the GIFTS stands for Gentle start-up. Instead if saying, “You let a stranger watch our kids?” Cindy might have softened her response. “I’d like some time alone with you, too. But I’m Uneasy about a stranger supervising our children. “I’d like to introduce myself to her.” Harry could have replied, Maybe you should check the situation out. If you feel comfortable, come back up to our room. I’ll be waiting…”
To be continue…
